Hey guys. I wish I had better news for you, but I'm sure you..

Hey guys. I wish I had better news for you, but I'm sure you can tell since I've been gone that the last two weeks have been absolute ass. I got my root canal on Tuesday (which is the only thing that went well) and I'm still a bit sore, but my mouth is mostly healed from it. I'm a bit worried because they drained the abscess in my face and it filled back up over that night, so the antibiotics might not be working. I'm probably going to have to go back so they can actually surgically fix my gum issue if it doesn't go away in the next week. I still have to get a filling on top of it, but it can't happen until whatever infection I have is completely gone. 

I also started getting pain on the other side of my mouth about a week before, so I asked about it when I was there. It turns out that TWO of my fillings from last year are now rejecting because at least one of them (in my personal opinion) was done terribly. The crack in my tooth wasn't properly fixed, and there's three separate spots that she completely missed on the tooth that are way more painful than my abscess surprisingly. I kinda felt an issue right after it was finished, but I figured it was just done quickly so there was a few rougher spots that would eventually wear down a bit and that's on me. I can't even get them fixed until I can have my other tooth crowned, because I can't risk leaving it for too long. If I do, the filling might completely disintegrate/fall out because it's supposed to be temporary. They said the max time I can keep just the filling is 3 to 4 weeks, but I can't even cap it for 2 of those to make sure the infection Is gone.

So basically, I can barely eat anything. One side of my mouth is aching on both the top and bottom, and the other side is still sore from an abscess and new root canal. I haven't been sleeping because of the pain and I've been in such a pissy mood because of it. It's the main reason I had to take a step back, because I noticed I was getting irritated with small things that didn't matter, and I didn't want to hurt you guys by taking my own shit out on you. I shouldn't have just disappeared but I woke up in so much pain Saturday morning that I knew I couldn't stream, but I felt like trash going back on it after everything. I know I still owe people customs as well, and I felt like just posting normally/streaming was coming off like I was ignoring them (as I got a few messages literally accusing me of) when I just wanted to do what I was capable of at the time with everything happening. I'm still streaming tomorrow as long as everything goes well, as I woke up with my recently "fixed" side feeling a lot less swollen this morning. 

I miss you guys so much, and I'm sorry I've been so disappointing recently. I'm trying to fight through the pain but I got some awful news Wednesday as well, just to top everything off. My bladder pain meds (which also work as an antidepressant for me) got denied when I tried to refill the other day. I don't have medical insurance so now I have to pay out of pocket just to tell a doctor that nothing has changed as my bladder condition is a life-time issue and that I NEED my fucking medicine. It's kinda sent me into a meltdown because I really can't handle more pain and I've already told you guys that the stress from everything has made me flair up in the last two weeks or so, and it's not getting fixed until I can get another doctors appointment. It stabilizes my mood and helps me sleep as well, so I've been a crybaby over every small issue + the big ones, and I'm very foggy from barely sleeping.

That's why I've been gone. I desperately want things to be normal again but I can't seem to get my feet under me and I'm sorry that that's affecting you guys. I promise that I still love you all so much and your support has helped endlessly, but sometimes support isn't enough to fix what you're going through. I gotta let my body heal a bit because life has been really awful and I can't stop shoving it to the side anymore or it's going to get worse again. Thank you for understanding if you do, and if you don't then I totally get why and I'm willing to give out a free month for the spotty posting.

Finally, onto the video. Sorry if my moans/noises sound a bit off, this was taken yesterday when the inside of my mouth was still a bit swollen. I'm giving you a full-length video to hopefully make-up for the time you've been waiting ❤️ it was honestly really nice to play with my new toy again, especially because it's so big that it's hard to find think about anything else haha

*Including tooth pic at the end lmao